SHORT STORIES Leaving the S/S Norway, A Sad, Sad Day & Dinner at Le Bistro, sans Bob…

Leaving the S/S Norway, A Sad, Sad Day.

I got off ships in March of 2000 and it was very emotional to see the Norway sail away without me. I was saying goodbye to my shipboard family, but especially, Sarah was sailing away without me on board. We had made a plan that I would go to Smith & Wolensky’s, a steak house which was the last building on the channel as the ships sailed by into the Florida Straits. As big as the Norway is, it would be a challenge for me to see Sarah up in the crowd of people who line the decks when the ship sails out of Miami. We decided that she would stand on deck  where there would be less people and easier for me to spot her.

Here is an interesting fact about ships sailing in a channel. You would think that when a cruise ship sailed through the channel it would raise the level of the water. Makes sense to me. Actually it is the opposite. As a ship sails through, the water actually recedes and pulls away from shore. This is due to the turning of the propulsion system which draws water through it and raises the ship. In doing so the water pulls away from shore.

When the Norway went through the channel it pulled more water away from shore than any other ship. It was quite a sight to see.

But on this day I wasn’t looking at the water line. I walked out onto the concrete blocks in the water so that I could be seen from the ship by Sarah and I could look for her on deck. I had both my still and video cameras in hand.

    S/S Norway sailing out of Miami

    S/S Norway sailing out of Miami

                                 Jerry waving with Sarah next to him

I scoured the decks looking for Sarah but could not see her. The ship goes through quite quickly so I didn’t have much time to see her. I spotted a very big, tall person waving wildly and realized it was Jerry, one of the singers from the Theatre Cast.   And there next to him was Sarah. I started to wave back and suddenly a huge roar came from a group of people on board and they started to wave wildly, calling out to me. It was the entire cast of singers and dancers that Sarah worked with. They had all come out to support Sarah as they knew it was quite an emotional moment for her. It was also an emotional moment for me and suddenly the tears were flowing down my face. Sarah was sailing past on the Norway and I wasn’t there. This was the first time we would be apart for any length of time since we started seeing each other. There was so much going on that I forgot to take pictures or video, as the Norway sailed out. I took a couple of quick pictures and then turned on the video camera just to catch the rear of the ship as it passed by. It was tough seeing the Norway sail away and I watched until it became a spot in the distance.

I slowly walked by to my car, still emotional. I started the car and drove back to the Best Western Hotel, my new home away from home, and started my new life working shore side.

Dinner at Le Bistro, sans Bob…

This is a story Sarah relayed to me. It follows the above story of when I got off the Norway and started my new career shore side.

Sarah and I had a standing reservation for dinner at Le Bistro every embarkation night. On this particular night she kept our reservation but went with Andrew one of the singers from the theatre cast. They sat at our regular table and Zoran was their waiter. Zoran greeted them as professional as ever, but Sarah felt he was a little cold. As the dinner went on Zoran never really was the warmed up or joked with them. And then it hit her. Sarah was sitting at our table with Andrew and I wasn’t there. Zoran was thinking that Sarah was seeing someone else and he wasn’t happy about that. The next time Zoran came to the table Sarah said to him “Zoran, have you met Andrew, he is a very good friend of Bob’s. I spoke with Bob today and he said to say hello to you.”

 Suddenly Zoran eyes lit up and he became his friendly old self. He had thought that Sarah was seeing Andrew now that I was no longer on the ship. When he found out that this was not so, he was happy that Sarah and I were still together. As I have said before, we all take care of each other.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!*

Hemmie Rules or “How I Went Down a Notch in My Own House”

“Well that put you in your place didn’t it?”…

Last May Sarah and I stopped by our friend Malcolm’s house for a beer and a chat, as we often did on weekends. We walked onto his patio and I spotted a cat laying on one of the chairs. There are always cats around Malcolm’s house, but this particular cat we had never seen before. The first thing that I noticed about him was that he had huge front paws, and an extra toe that looked like a thumb. The only other time I had seen this was when we visited Ernest Hemingway’s estate home in Key West. The estate had cats that lived there, and they all had the extra toe on their front paws.

This cat was very mellow, and as I scratched his head he closed his eyes and enjoyed the attention.

I said to Malcolm, “Who is this? I’ve never seen him before”.

“Oh that’s Scruff. He is one of the strays that comes over to eat every once in a while” he answered.

“He seems to have some small bumps on his head. I can feel them when I scratch him.” I said.

“That’s because the other cats usually bash him on the head to scare him away from the food. He’s not a fighter. Do you want him? He’s a stray and needs a good home” Malcolm said.

I looked at Sarah. She had a big smile and even bigger eyes in reaction to Malcolm’s question.

“What’s his history?” I asked.

“He belonged to a family down the way and they abandoned him when they were evicted from their house. Some of the other neighbors and I have been feeding him ever since. You want history? -  listen to this.

Last month, the property management company was doing an inspection of the homes.  Unknown to them, they were followed into the house next door by Scruff, and he was accidentally locked in. The house is empty because the owners are from New York and only come down for the holidays. I noticed that he wasn’t coming around as often, and thought he had found a new home. Last week when I was out in the front yard, I heard meowing and looked around to see where it was coming from. I looked up at the second floor of the house next door, and there he was in the window meowing at me. I got the spare keys for the house and got him out. He was very skinny, but seemed ok. He had been inside the house for about a month. Now, be ready for this - he had opened a cupboard and chewed through tin food cans. Somehow, he had chosen cans of peas, that had liquid in them, which he drank. He is quite the survivor.”

I looked at Sarah and said, “Do you want to take him home?” There was no need for an answer as her smile said everything. Malcolm gave us a cat carrier and a litter box to start us off.

Sarah said, “I want to change his name.”

“What do you suggest?” I asked.

“The paws tell you,” Sarah said. “Hemingway is perfect for him”

 “You’ll love this cat”, Malcolm said. “He is very sweet and you’ll never hear a peep out of him.

Not that I didn’t believe Malcolm, but when he said, ‘you’ll never hear a peep out of him’, that is like when you ask for directions and someone says, ‘It’s right there. You can’t miss it, and then you go on looking for your destination for hours.

“I’m really happy that you are taking him knowing that he will have a great home.”

We loaded Hemingway into the car and made our way home. And then the truth came out. The statement “you’ll never hear a peep out of him”, came to light. About every minute we would hear a meow from Hemingway and it got louder as we drove. I asked Sarah to put her fingers through the carrier door and pet him. When she did Hemingway pulled her fingers into the carrier with his giant front paws and held onto her all the way home.

We stopped along our way to pick up some kitty litter and a small bag of dry cat food. When we got home I put the kitty litter in the tray and we placed the tray in the downstairs powder room. I brought the cat carrier into the front room and opened the door. Hemingway stepped out of the carrier, looked around the room and went straight to the powder room. Into his kitty litter tray he went and relieved himself.

“Well” I said, “He knows where he is supposed to go to do that!”

“That’s because you are a very smart little boy, aren’t you Hemingway?” Sarah said. She walked upstairs talking to Hemingway as he followed her up for his first tour of his new home.

I could hear Sarah as she described the layout of the second floor.

“Here is mine and Bob’s bedroom. You can sleep in here with us if you wish. Here is my bathroom and here is our walk-in closet. We go down this short hall and here is Bob’s bathroom. Now this next room is the spare bedroom where our guests sleep when they come and visit. This last room is the office where we have a computer & printer and where Bob is supposed to do his work. But instead of using this room he prefers the dining room table downstairs next to the patio doors where it is brighter and closer to the coffee machine.”

It was as if she was giving a tour to a writer from Best Homes & Gardens. I went out to the garage to put the cat carrier away. When I came back, both Sarah and Hemingway were on the couch watching TV. Sarah was at her end to the right and Hemingway was sitting in my seat on the left.

“Can you move Hemingway over to the middle so that he will be between us on the couch?” I asked.

“Oh there is no need for that” Sarah replied. “You can sit in your recliner and Hemingway can stay where he is.”

I looked at Sarah, and then looked at the cat. He looked at Sarah and then looked back at me…purring. I swear he had a smile on his face and he was thinking, “Well that put you in your place didn’t it?”

I realized right there and then, I had dropped to the third ranking in our house.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

Christmas 1999 “If You Know What’s GOOD For You …”

Christmas and the holidays are tough on the crew. They are on the ship and their families are back home. My first two years on ships I was home for Christmas. My third year was when I met Sarah so I arranged to be on for the holidays.

There are a lot of parties organized for the guests and also many for the crew. Each department has a party of some sort and the Cruise Staff arranged an event in Trolland, the kids play room. There was food and drinks available and our Cruise Director Denny who is Swedish made a concoction called GLUOGG. It is a mixture of wine, raisins, cinnamon, whiskey, Heineken beer, port wine, sugar, almonds and is served hot. He also organized a present exchange game called ‘Secret Santa’. The way it worked was, when you entered Trolland you were given a number. This number dictated when you would pick a present from under the Christmas tree. Everyone was to bring a present worth up to $25.00, wrap it up and put it under the tree. Tags for names or gender were not to be put on the boxes. Everything was to be a surprise. Now, if you picked a present, and were not thrilled with it but liked a present someone else had already picked, you could switch with that person. No questions asked.

After we had all eaten and were well lubricated, the gift exchange began. Sarah had number 15 and I had drawn number 39. This meant that I had a good look at what presents were available for an exchange, and then hope that no one would exchange with me.  What I didn’t realize was that I held the last number, 39. I would be the last person picking a present and able to switch with absolutely anyone.

We had a great time watching what everyone got and the antics in switching presents. Some people even hid their presents so as not to lose them. There were some great presents and some goofy ones with people trying to encourage others to switch with them. There were CDs, perfume, soaps & bath wash, gift certificates from music & video stores and even a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate. Kelvin our diver friend got a plastic mask & snorkel set, what a bad selection. He tried valiantly to exchange with everyone but to no avail. Somewhere down the line a bottle of Chivas Regal Scotch was the present selected, so I kept my eye on where that was.

We finally got to # 38 pick and I looked to see what it was. At that point Sarah leaned close to me and whispered in my ear, “If you know what’s GOOD for you, you’ll go for the Victoria’s Secret envelope.”

I looked at her in astonishment and she kept looking straight ahead with a smile on her face.

“OK, who’s got the last number, 39?” said Denny. I held up my ticket.

“Here we go everyone, the last ticket. What will it be?” said Denny.

I went to the tree and picked up the last box. It had a shoe box shape and sure enough it was a pair of pink fluffy ladies slippers with little feathers. There was a roar of laughter from everyone as I showed them.

“Wow, just what I asked Santa for!” I said.

I gestured giving them to Sarah and she pushed them away.

 “OK, that didn’t work” I said, “Who has the Victoria’s Secret envelope, let me see it!!”

Another roar came from the crowd. One of the Hostesses held up the envelope so I handed her the fluffy slippers and took the envelope. I then handed the Victoria’s Secret envelope to Sarah and she said, “That’s much better. Thank you!” as everyone kept on laughing.

A lesson learned.

We all partied hard that night, but we also all showed up for work the next day. That was the way it was. You work hard; You party hard; but you always showed up for duties the next day.

The following Christmas Sarah had changed ships and was on the Norwegian Sky. CD Denny was also there and we had another Secret Santa Christmas Party as the year before. When it came to Sarah’s turn to pick out a present, she went to the tree and took an envelope. When she opened it, it was a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate. To be safe she placed the envelope on her chair and sat on it. Nobody asked to exchange with her, or had forgotten what she had picked. At the end of the gift selection Denny came over and asked what we had received. Sarah pulled out the Victoria’s Secret envelope. Denny looked at her and said, “I don’t believe it! That’s two years in a row! What is it? Can you smell those things when they are in envelopes?” Sarah smiled and nodded.

We all laughed. It was too good to be true, two years in a row. Now this has become a tradition. I somehow have to hide a Victoria’s Secret gift certificate in a different parcel so that Sarah cannot tell what it is when she opens up her Christmas presents. This also applies to her birthday.

As they say on Fiddler On The Roof, “TRADITION!!!”

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

My Tux fits great. "Miss Sarah did a SMASHING job!"

I soon learned that there were many advantages to dating the Wardrobe Supervisor of the theatre company onboard. First of all, my laundry was done expertly on the private machines which were delegated to Sarah. When you sent your laundry to the ship’s crew service there were always surprises.

1.     Did it come back on time?

2.     Did you get YOUR laundry back?

3.     Did you get someone else’s laundry?

4.     Did someone else get your laundry?

5.     Did your article of clothing still fit?

6.     Did it shrink to Ken & Barbie size?

7.     Was it the same color as when it was sent out?

8.     Did some new stain miraculously appear on your clothing?

9.     And too many more to list.

Now all my clothing was washed, ironed, folded and on hangers, returned to me in my cabin.

The biggest surprise was the next Formal Night when I put on my Tux. I had not bought a very expensive Tux. As a matter of fact I had bought a used Tux from a rental company, so you can well imagine that the tailoring left a lot to be desired.

Formal Night is upon us and I put on my Tux. First thing I notice is that the waist was no longer too big. When I put on my shirt, the buttons were all sewed on the front and there was Velcro as a fastener in place instead. The collar button also had expandable elastic in it so that it was not choking me.

The best was the jacket. When I buttoned the front, the jacket was no longer two sizes too big, contoured my waist line and the sleeves were at the correct length. They no longer hung to the middle knuckles on my hands. AND, Sarah had made me a Real Tuxedo Bow Tie. I no longer needed the clip on type.

WOW THIS WAS VERY COOOOOOOOL!!!!

Off I went to the Captain’s Cocktail Party feeling as fit as a Peacock. I never thought that I looked that much of a mess previously in my Tux, but this was the first time in 3 years that the thing actually fit me properly. And it did not go unnoticed.

Club International, S/S Norway

Club International, S/S Norway

My location for the Captain’s Party was at the doorway leading into Club International, at the front of the line of guests. I would welcome the guests to the party, ask them where they were from and position them with the lady on the right and the gentleman on the left. I would then hand them off to the Cruise Director (CD) introducing them by name and where they were from. From there the CD would walk them into Club International and introduce them to the Captain and they were set up for their picture.

The reason that I would ask them where they were from was if they were Scandinavian, then the CD, if it so applied or the Captain could speak to them in their native language. This also worked well if the CD or Captain knew of their home state, again it was a source of conversation.

Not all the CDs liked this, but it worked well with those who did such as the CD at that time, Denny. The others who didn’t I put it off to their being insecure with themselves and wanting all the glory. Believe it or not, there were some of those. It was all about the attention that they needed.

On this evening as I entered Club International, fifteen minutes prior to the start of the Party, CD Denny and the Captain looked at me as I came in.

Captain said, “Look at you Robert. Did you buy a new Tuxedo and where did you get that Bow Tie? Is it from Harrods?”

“Not a new Tux. But it has been altered by my girlfriend and she also made this real Bow Tie for me.” I said.

“I wish I could find someone to tailor my jacket. Look at how long the sleeves are!” said the Captain in disgust, showing that they were to his finger tips.

“Can’t the tailors on board do something with your sleeves?” I asked.

“It takes a specialty tailor to know how to shorten these sleeves while keeping the stripes at the right height and spacing.” was the Captains response. “Those people down below are not qualified for that.”

“Well, I’m sure if you asked Miss Sarah she could do it for you. Her background is in English Theatre.” I stated.

“English Theatre you say? Can she get me a Bow Tie from Harrods? Who is this Miss Sarah and how come I have not met her?” asked the Captain.

“She is the Wardrobe Supervisor with the Theatre Company. I will introduce her to you on the next occasion when you are available” I answered.

“I will be coming through Dazzles later this evening, at about 10:00 PM, be there so that we can meet.” said the Captain.

Dazzles Disco, S/S Norway

At the end of the evening when all the shows and parties were over Sarah and I went to Dazzles to have a drink and wait for the Captain. Sarah was not thrilled about all this attention as she liked to be unnoticed and in the background. I assured her that meeting the Captain will be fun and all would be OK.

The Captain came into Dazzles 30 minutes later accompanied by his guests from the Captain’s Table. The Captain’s Table consisted of the top VIPs and whatever celebrities may be on the cruise. The Captain always selected those who he wanted to join him and those he did not.

This time he had 2 couples with him as well as a female escort. The waiters hurriedly made up a table for them. The Captain sat down and ordered Champagne for his group. He always drew a lot of attention, so I waited until the crowd around him dwindled.  I caught his glance and he waved for me to come over to his table. I did and asked if I could introduce him to Sarah. He got up from the table and walked over to where Sarah and I were.

He looked at Sarah and said, “So you are Miss Sarah? I understand you can fix the sleeves of my coat?”

Sarah lifted up his sleeve and did her thing. She looked up to the Captain smiling and said, “Yes I can.” Short and sweet.

The Captain looked at her and said, “Good. Be on the Bridge at 0800 tomorrow.” He nodded and returned to his table.

Now, here is the problem. The people in the Theatre Company were not early risers. Most of them never got up until the crack of noon. This was because their shows ran into the late night and there really wasn’t any reason for them to be early risers anyway.

Sarah looked at me and I said, “Don’t worry. You can come up to the Bridge with me in the morning. I go up there every morning because they make the best coffee on the ship.” I don’t think I sold her on the early rise thing.

Seconds after the Captain left us there were two glasses of Champagne in front of us. The waiter said, “Compliments of the Captain.” Sarah and I looked over to the Captain and he raised his glass in a toast, as we did in return. That put a smile on Sarah’s face. It also had many people looking over at us wondering who we were and why was the Captain sending us Champagne?

The next morning Sarah came up to the Bridge with me and as soon as we entered the Captain got out of his chair and said, “Miss Sarah. So good to see you this early in the morning. Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha – Ha - Ha - Ha. Follow me to my quarters.” And off they went.

That evening I saw the Captain doing his rounds of the entertainment areas and there seemed to be a step in his walk. I said Hello to him as he walked by. He stopped and proudly said, “Hello Robert. Look at my jacket and how well it now fits. The sleeves and stripes are now perfect. Miss Sarah did a SMASHING job!”

“Looking good Captain!’ I said.

“I certainly am, am I not? Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha – Ha - Ha - Ha” he said with a big smile on his face as he turned and continued on his way.

I asked Sarah if she could ask one of her friends in London to get a Bow Tie from Harrods for the Captain which she did.

At the next Captain’s Party, when the Captain was on stage and had finished his speech, we presented him with his Bow Tie from Harrods. He was over the moon and said excitedly, “There is only one person who would have done this for me and that is Miss Sarah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is a SMASHING gift. Ha - Ha - Ha - Ha – Ha - Ha – Ha. I love it!!”

Word quickly got around the ship of Sarah’s prowess with needle and thread, especially with the Senior Officers. Soon all were coming her way to have their alterations and mending done. It became a lucrative business for her.

The Hotel Director was one of the first to call upon Sarah’s services. He was a fashion fiend and one of his Versace shirts returned from the laundry with a tear in it. He was fit to be tied. Sarah mended the shirt for him to the point that he could not tell where the tear had been. He was ecstatic.

Denny, the Cruise Director was also a customer. For some reason or other, the crotch of his pants kept blowing apart.

The following cruise and for every cruise thereafter, whenever Sarah and I had dinner at Le Bistro, and when either the Captain or the Hotel Director saw us, they would come over to our table and say Hello. This always drew stares from the other patrons. On their way out they spoke with the Maitre D’, and would cover our dinner.

That’s the way things were done on ships. We took care of our own.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!