Our First date. “That salad looks very good. May I have one also?”

I woke up the next morning after Kelvin’s Bushwacker Party without a hangover. It was now Saturday which meant the present cruise guests would be disembarking the ship and the new lot would start embarking at 11:00 AM. There were two Cruise Staff duties that day which everyone had to take part in. One was Bye-Bye Gangway and the other was Welcome Aboard Gangway.

For Bye-Bye Gangway one Cruise Staff member was assigned to the Forward gangway and another to the Aft gangway. We organized the guests into two lines and guided them through the customs line as the agents checked their paperwork prior to leaving the ship. This started at 8 AM and went until 9:30/10:00 AM.

Welcome Aboard Gangway comprised of Cruise Staff members standing at the gangway entrances both Forward and Aft and welcoming the guests on board. This meant standing in 90 to 100 degree Miami heat dressed in a sports jacket, shirt & tie and long pants for 3 hours in two shifts.

I preferred Bye-Bye Gangway as this duty was performed in shorts and a polo shirt which was much cooler. I had done Welcome Aboard Gangway in the heat and was not a fan of it. Also many of the guests who boarded the ship were cranky, tired, hungry and not in the best of moods. I had one guest stand at the entrance, shake his fist at me and yell out, “If I don’t get a private table for two at all my meals, I’m walking off this ship!” I looked at him and said, “Welcome aboard sir, have a great day and enjoy your cruise.”

No one wanted to do Bye-Bye Gangway because it meant that they had to get up early and most wanted to sleep in on Saturday morning. I am a morning person and was used to getting up early every day, so that suited my style.

But my quest this morning before going to my assignment was to find Sarah’s cabin and leave her a note. I was disembarking the ship for a medical leave that day and I wanted to let her know that I had had a great time the night before. I wrote the note and then went down to Biscayne Heights in search of Sarah’s cabin. When I got there, the place was a mess. All the cabin doors were closed, but the passageway told the story of the previous nights’ party. At that moment one of the theatre techs came out of his cabin and I asked him if he knew which Sarah’s was. He pointed to a cabin and stumbled off down the passageway. He obviously had been over-served the night before.

I went over to Sarah’s cabin, slid the note under the door and headed to the Aft Gangway for my assigned duty. Another reason I preferred doing Bye-Bye Gangway was that as soon as I was done and cleared to leave by the Customs Officials, I could get off the ship to do my personal banking. It also gave me time to go to Bayside Shopping Center and have a beer and burger at Hooters with friends. Other times I would go to the Middle Eastern restaurant for lunch and have some of my favorite Lebanese dishes. At 3:00 PM I would grab a taxi back to the ship and get things ready for Boat Drill & the Sail Away Party.

In the note that I left Sarah I asked her to call me on my beeper. At 5:00 PM Sarah called and I asked if she would like to go to Le Bistro for dinner that night. Le Bistro was an A La Carte restaurant. This was the only restaurant on the ship that had a cover charge, but it was well worth the very low cost. On embarkation night we were permitted to have dinner at Le Bistro as many of the guests had not discovered it yet.



Le Bistro, S/S Norway

Sarah said she would be pleased to have dinner with me and asked that I pick her up at 8:00 PM. That was a good time for me as I did not have any duties after that time, and left the evening open. At 7:50 PM I arrived at Sarah’s cabin and she let me in as she finished getting ready. Her roommate was Christina who was the lighting tech for the theatre company on board and was presently in the shower. Christina was a big girl, and had a great personality. Sarah told me that Christina had taken a fall earlier in the day when she was at the top of a 20 foot ladder changing a lamp in the lighting grid. I asked if she was OK, and Sarah said yes, but she had a big bruise on her backside. At that point in our conversation, Christina walked out of the bathroom dressed only in a towel. I turned to go out so that she may have privacy, but Christina said there was no need.

Saga Theatre, S/S Norway

I mentioned that I had heard she had a fall and asked if she was OK. Christina laughed and said she was OK and added, “Only because I landed on my big fat butt.” She said she had a screwdriver in her back pocket and that it had left its imprint on her bottom. At that point she hiked up her towel to expose her right butt cheek. I didn’t need to see that flash of white flesh, but she was correct. There was the perfect imprint of the screwdriver.

“Number three Phillips screw driver, was it?” I said. “Yes it was” Christina answered. “You sure know your tools!!

It was time to leave for dinner.

We headed up to Le Bistro on Pool Deck Aft. Because it was a specialty restaurant, I was required to wear a jacket and tie and Sarah wore a dress. The Maitre ‘D welcomed us and I asked if we could sit in Zoran’s section. Zoran was a great waiter and we had become good friends. He always made a big deal whenever I escorted a lady to Le Bistro. He greeted us at our table, always being the perfect gentleman. I ordered a Glavlax, a Norwegian Smoked Salmon dish as my appetizer; a Caesar’s Salad and the Beef Tenderloin and Sarah ordered the same. As soon as Zoran left the Wine Steward came to our table and I ordered a bottle of Jordan, Cabernet Sauvignon.

Our conversation turned to the previous night’s Bushwacker Party and we laughed at some of the high jinks which took place in Biscayne Heights. Our Glavlax arrived and we continued our conversation as we enjoyed the dish. When Zoran saw that we had finished our food, he came over to remove our dishes and said he would be bringing us our Caesar’s Salad. Upon his return, I did not see Zoran approach our table from behind me with the salads. I was demonstrating something to Sarah, which required me to wave my arms upward. As I made this upward move, Zoran was about to place my salad in front of me. There was a collision between my arm and Zoran’s hand. The salad flipped into the air, hit the edge of the table in front of me, landed upside down on my lap and slid to my feet. The dish hitting the table made enough noise for everyone in Le Bistro stop what they were doing and look over at our table. Both Zoran and I froze, but he quickly recovered and placed Sarah’s salad in front of her.

As he did this I said, “That salad looks very good. May I have one also?”

“As you wish sir, I will bring one right out for you” said Zoran as he left our table.

“My goodness”, said Sarah, “Where did your salad go?”

I leaned forward and whispered “It’s in my socks right now and I most certainly will have to shine my shoes tomorrow.” We both laughed hardily.

Here we were on our first date. As we later learned, this evening set the tone for many more dining adventures…….

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

The first meeting. ‘Not in your lifetime, mister!’

At the end of every cruise, the staff on board would take part in a production “Home Away From Home”. We affectionately called it “The Norwegian Sway”. The Cruise Staff (CS), of which I was a member, would be the first to come onto the stage as two performers from the Theatre Company would sing “Home Away From Home”. The male CS entered from stage right and the female CS entered from stage left. We would cross each other, and by the time I reached stage left, we were strung out boy girl, boy girl, and boy girl. As the song progressed, more crew members from other departments filed onto the stage until every department was represented. The last group onto the stage would be the Officers and the Captain. The chefs & cooks would be the last to enter the Theatre and stood in front of the stage, below the officers. They always drew the loudest cheer from the guests.

We always joked that the guests boarded the ship through the gangway, and after one week of non stop eating, they now were off loaded as cargo, thanks to the chefs & cooks. This justified the standing ovation from the guests.

Saga Theatre, S/S Norway

To start off the procession we entered Saga Theatre from the side entrance back stage. I was the first male CS who would walk out onto the stage so I had to take my place at the bottom of the stairs. As I waited for my cue, I was always met there by Debbie, the Wardrobe Supervisor. On this one night as I approached the stairs I saw Debbie with a little red headed girl. (Think Charlie Brown).

As I reached Debbie’s side, she said to me, “Bob I would like to introduce you to Sarah Brown. She will be my replacement as I have been transferred to another ship.”

I looked at Sarah and said, “Hi Sarah, welcome aboard.” Sarah said “Hi” and we shook hands.

I said to Debbie, “Have you told Sarah about our tradition?” This drew a quizzical look from Sarah.

Debbie said, “Oh yes. Sarah, before Bob goes on stage I give him a hug and kiss on the cheek.”

I looked at Sarah as she smiled and looked back at me, and I gathered from her expression, ‘Not in your lifetime, mister!’ would be the response. That was the last time Sarah ever came to this production.

Backstage of the Saga Theatre where I first met Sarah, S/S Norway

One day, after I had made my lunch selection for the delectable choices in the Staff Mess, I looked around the seating area for a place to sit. As I scanned the room I spotted Sarah sitting on her own at one of the long tables. I walked to the seat across from her and asked if it was OK to sit down. She said yes and I took the spot. We both ate our lunches with neither of us saying a word to the other. Sarah ate in a slow meticulous manner, and I ate much quicker which meant I was done first.

I stood up from my seat, taking my dishes with me and said to Sarah, “Have a nice day.”

Sarah looked up at me and said, “You too”, and that was the extent of our second conversation.

Biscayne Deck was the main thoroughfare for the crew. Aft, on the Starboard side of this deck is where the crew embarked and disembarked, midship is where the Crew Purser’s Office was located, and the Crew Shop was all the way forward. On the Port side was the area where the guests embarked and disembarked the Tender Boats when the ship came into port. The starboard side of Biscayne deck had crew cabins and the port side had guest staterooms. In the center part of the ship was where the garbage was off loaded, an area affectionately named Slime Alley, as the floors were always very slippery.

There was a unique group of cabins past the Crew Purser’s Office which was called Biscayne Heights. This is the area where the divers, some theatre staff and a few Cruise Staff lived. It was isolated enough that it was a great party area which would not disturb the guests. The divers were known for their Bushwhacker Parties.

My nightly routine was to go to Dazzles Disco (located three decks above Biscayne), for a beer before heading to bed. From Dazzles I would walk forward to the Broadcast Room for the final equipment check of the night and then go up two more decks to International Deck forward where my cabin was located. I was one of the lucky few that had a cabin in the guest areas and not in the crew area. As I came out of Dazzles I decided to go a different route; down the crew stairs to Biscayne Deck and then back up to my cabin. To this day I have no idea why I did this eight deck detour.

As I walked along Biscayne Deck I could hear music in the distance. I wondered to myself, what was going on, and then it hit me. Earlier in the week the divers had announced that they were having a Bushwhacker Party. I opened the door which led to Biscayne Heights and made my way in. The area held 9 crew cabins (at two crew per cabin) and every door was open to the party. The music was now very loud coming from a very expensive BOSE system which was owned by one of the divers, Kelvin.

Kelvin, Me & Diver Bobby

Kelvin had stood up for me at a Cruise Staff meeting during my first contract. I had originally been hired as vacation fill-in for a four week period relieving the previous Broadcast Tech. During a meeting after I had been on board for three weeks, Cruise Director Denny mentioned that the upcoming week would be my last on the Norway and the vacationing Broadcast Tech Phillip was returning at the end of the present cruise. That’s where Kelvin spoke up.

“Hey Denny, why does Phillip have to come back here? We are better off with Robert. He’s done more for TV in three weeks than the other guy has in four months. Send Phillip to the Leeward, (my supposed next assignment), and keep Robert here. The other guy’s a wanker.”

“You are right, Kelvin. I’ll see what I can do” answered Denny.

I was totally surprised with what Kelvin said, but it worked, as during the next cruise I was informed by Denny that I would be staying on the Norway and Phillip was going to the Leeward. An interesting thing, in my three years on ships I was never transferred to another ship.

As I walked into Biscayne Heights, Kelvin spotted me and yelled out, “Hey Bob! Welcome to the party. Let’s get you a Bushwhacker, mate!!” He led me into his cabin which had been converted into The Bar and was full of beer, liquor bottles and mix. He staggered over to a blender, picked up the empty container, angrily walked past me, into the passageway and yelled out,” OYE! Which one of you f***ing bastards took the last f***ing Bushwhacker and didn’t f***ing make more!” No one paid any attention to him. He walked back into the cabin mumbling, “I don’t believe that some bastard took the last f***ing Bushwhacker and didn’t f***ing make more!” as he commenced to make another batch. He added ice, 3 liquors, broken up Oreo cookies all mixed, blended into a concoction and then poured me a hefty glass. “Here you are, Mate. Welcome to my party. Ha – Ha – Ha – Ha – Ha!” I took a sip out of the glass, which made me open my eyes and raise my eyebrows. “Good f***ing one, eh Mate! I make the best Bushwhackers in the WORLD!” Kelvin said, laughing as he passed me by and went out to join his girlfriend and others in the passageway.

I followed him out into the passageway taking in the festivities with who was in the area. There was a mixture of crew from the different departments, divers of course, entertainers, dancers, cruise staff and stage techs all talking, laughing and having a great time. I walked over to some people that I knew and joined them in their conversation. I looked over the shoulder of the person in front and saw Sarah in a doorway talking with a guy. I thought to myself, ‘well that must be her boyfriend’, and went back to my groups' conversation. Some time and a couple of Bushwhackers later I noticed Sarah still in the same doorway, but now talking to another guy. ‘Oh, THAT must be her boyfriend’, I thought this time.

The party rolled on and a great time was being had by all. Coming out from the bar where I had acquired another Bushwhacker I noticed Sarah still in the same doorway, but now she was on her own. 'OK Bob, here’s your chance', I said to myself. I made my way through the crowd, got up to Sarah and said “Hi”. She said ‘Hello’ back and to this day I do not remember any part of our conversation, but it was far beyond our first and second encounters. At some point Sarah said, “Would you excuse me? I have to go to the bathroom.” “Sure” I said and off she went. What I didn’t know was that Sarah’s cabin was in this area. What I did know was that I had heard this statement before and the person had not returned.

‘Oh well’, I thought to myself. ‘I gave it a shot.’ and made my way back to the bar in search of another Bushwhacker. When I came out, there was Sarah back in the same doorway, by herself. I walked over and said surprisingly, “You came back!”

“Of course I did, why would you think not?” Sarah said. Now, one thing you have to understand. People from the UK can say something very simple, but make you feel two inches tall. This was an example and to tell you the truth, after 10 years I STILL have not gotten used to it.

“You are absolutely right, I apologize for being an idiot” I said, not letting on that I had been dumped in the past by a girl who had said she was going to the bathroom and never came back.

We talked late into the night and we haven’t stopped talking to each other since that day, Dec 10^th 1999.

And it’s all thanks to our good friend Kelvin, and his Bushwhacker party.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!*

Walk It Off, Be a Man or This used to be a pretty face before football

My high school years were great. I went to Rosemount High in Montreal. School was always a chore for me through the years, but I came to realize one day in my senior year just before graduation, that all this fun was going away. At the end of the term I would have to find a job.

The Principal was walking through the gym one day and came up to a group of us who were hanging out. “Boys, I’m not going to miss you next year”, he said, all the while wearing a sly smile on his face. “It will be sad to see you go” We all laughed with him. “But Sir”, I said, “I’ll be coming back because I’m missing one credit”. He turned to me and with a stern look on his face he said, “You Rio!! We’re going to give you that credit just so we can get rid of you!!”, which brought out a howl of laughter from everyone. All in all, the Principal was a good guy.

I ran into him years later at an airport and he said to me, “So Rio, what did you make of yourself?” I said that I had a video production company that specialized in mounting small format cameras to give the TV audience the race car drivers’ perspective from inside the car. I named all the racing series that I was contracted to. He replied, “I’ve seen those races on TV and have seen the action from those cameras. You are very good at what you do. I’m proud of you son, you’ve done well.” Accolades from the Principal. It felt good.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do when school was over, and I didn’t have the marks or ambition to go to University. I once told my Guidance Counselor that I would like to fly jets for the Navy and be stationed on an aircraft carrier at sea. I had heard though, (whether it was true or not) that they didn’t let anyone who wore glasses fly airplanes. Now, take into account what I did end up doing - I didn’t fly jets, but I did go out to sea, and worked on a Cruise Ship for 3 years. It was almost the same, because we were under the authority of Captains and it always felt like we were in the military. We were treated as though we were. But that’s another story for later.

My High School football coach was a great guy. Mr. Marsden. He stood about 5 ft 8 inches and was very fit. The coach was a 'no nonsense' kind of guy, but a great guy; everyone liked and respected him. He was also the Gym Teacher and an English Teacher. Although I never had him as an English Teacher, he was my Gym Teacher and coached me on the junior football team. When he taught us how to hit in football, he stood across the biggest guy on the squad who was dressed in full gear and went through a play process in full contact, head to head. All the while he wore no equipment, but his opponent would always find himself on his back at the end of the demonstration. “Be a man”, he would always say.

If you got hurt during a game and he had to come onto the field, he always said the same thing. “Walk It Off, Be a Man.”

You could have a broken leg with the lower part at a 180 degree angle from the rest of your body and he would say “Get up and walk ** off the field. Be a man.”

If you got hurt, you did your best to walk off the field under your own power. You didn’t want to embarrass the coach by making him walk onto the field.

During one game a player broke his finger and created a stoppage in play. The coach walked out onto the field and asked what the problem was. The player showed him his finger which was bent over backwards. The coach looked at the players’ hand, then looked at the player and said, “Is that all? Are your legs OK? The player replied that his legs were fine.

“Then get off my field, walk it off. Be a man!!”

He was also heard saying, “I can’t believe he made me walk out here for a damn broken finger!”

I had heard about the coach from my three future brother-in-laws as they all had played football under him when they were in high school and they were the stars on their teams. I really wasn’t a football player. Hockey was my sport. But I had to play football to keep up with my peers. I was also told the football players always got the girls. That was the way it was on TV, wasn’t it?

                                  1965 Rosemount High School Football Team    I'm #57

The equipment we wore on the Junior Football Team never fit. It was all the leftovers from the Senior Football Team. My helmet was soo big that it could spin around my head.

In the last game of the season, last play of the game the coach puts me in as a defensive back. What the hell does a defensive back do? I’m a hockey player waiting for the hockey season to start, but I had to play football. I went in behind the defensive line and got into position, or what I thought was position. I could hear the coach say, “What the hell is Rio doing?”

The ball is snapped and the two front lines dove into each other. Out of a hole in the line comes an army tank headed right for me. Do the right thing, I say, get out of his way. But which way, left or right? Can’t get hurt, hockey season starts on Saturday. He goes to my left and I go right. But guilt got to me. I have to try and make it look like I made a play. As the tank goes by me on my left, the ball carrier is following him through. I see my chance and dive at the ball carriers legs. Now, remember how I told you that my helmet didn’t really fit well? The other thing about it is that the single bar face guard was at a weird angle downward. There was a lot of open space exposing my face which meant I could see well, but was fairly unprotected.

As I dove for the ball carrier’s legs, the heel of one of his cleats conveniently fit exactly through the space between the bar and the top of the opening of my helmet, and takes out my nose. Now I can’t see anything because there is a shoe in my face and there is blood flying everywhere. Hmm, I think, blood. Blood should be accompanied by pain somewhere, I thought, and just there, in that instant, the pain showed up. I can see stars!!

While this was going on inside my helmet, the ball carrier kept running. Well he was trying to run, but because with his foot was wedged inside my helmet, I was along for the tow. How far did he go, a mile or two maybe? I couldn’t really tell because I couldn’t see anything with this shoe in my face and blood in my eyes, and there was the pain. I don’t like pain.

When he finally fell over and went down, his foot and shoe separated company and I lay in a heap on the field with his shoe sticking out of my helmet. I’m still seeing stars. The ball carrier came back to collect his shoe and looking down at me says, “Hey, this guy is really bleeding!”

Whistles are blowing, people are gathering around me and somebody calls for the coach. I saw his face looking down at me. It was blurry and bloody at the same time. He looked down at me and said, “AHH, it’s just a flesh wound, I’ve seen worse shaving. Get up Rio and walk off my field like a man.” Two of our players stood me up.

“But coach” I said, “I can’t see where I’m going with all this blood in my eyes and I feel really dizzy”

He looked at me again and said, “It’s just a broken nose, it’ll give you character. The girls love that kind of thing. The game is over anyway. Nice tackle Rio, your first one this year isn’t it? Good luck playing hockey with your face in that condition. Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha. Practice is at 9:00 am tomorrow morning. Be there and don’t be late”

And he walked way. You gotta love the coach.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

Boat Drill, “Robert, where are your people?”

Once you become a crew member on a Cruise Ship, you are assigned a duty which you have to perform during the Guest Mandatory Boat Drill which usually takes place prior to the ship’s sailing. I was responsible for Lifeboat Station 10. Every guest on board a cruise ship is assigned a life boat station and a lifeboat. At the sound of the ship’s alarm, seven short and one long blast of the horn and bells, the guests and crew must report to their lifeboat station for the drill.

Assistant Cruise Director Keith ran through the duties of my assignment. They consisted of, checking off every guest assigned to my station, stand them in straight and orderly lines, make sure they had their lifejackets on properly and give them some information. Then there were announcements over the P/A system and after about 15 minutes the guests were dismissed from the drill and they could go on their merry way. Keith had me check off the guests while he lined them up and performed the required duties.
The following week I had the station to myself. I was supposed to have an assistant, but he did not show up. The alarms go off, instructions are given to the guests to go to their stateroom and get their lifejackets and report to their assigned boat station. I stood at my station and as the guests arrived I asked them what their stateroom number was and started to check them off my list. In no time at all, I had people 3 deep surrounding me and yelling out their stateroom numbers. Utter confusion. As the group lessened, I heard a deep booming voice next to me say, “Robert!” I looked up and there was First Officer Stian’s moon face looking down at me. “Robert’, he repeated, “where are your people?”

I looked over his shoulder and there was no one at my station. All the guests who had checked off their stateroom numbers had left my station and went off somewhere. I stood there in shock and with a surprised and confused look on my face. Here I am, two weeks into my new job and I just lost 150 people that were assigned to me at my lifeboat station. I looked back at Stian and he had a stern look on his face…and then burst out laughing as he walked away. I knew that little incident was going to cost me a couple of beers in the Crew Bar. A few minutes later ACD Keith came around and asked where my people were. I explained what happened to which he asked where my assistant was. I replied that the assistant had not showed up and I had been swamped. “No worries” he said, “we’ll sort this out at our meeting later.” I stood there for the duration of the drill with my clipboard and guest list and no guests at my station. Fifteen feet away from me was the next lifeboat station with all their allotment of guests. It was a very lonely and embarrassing moment. During the cruise we were able to locate my assistant and he was instructed to be at my boat station for the next guest boat drill.

The next week’s cruise arrived and I went to my station. My assistant was there waiting. As Cruise Staff members we had a 15 minute rule which meant you showed up to your next assignment 15 minutes prior to the start time of your next event. My assistant, so not to be in trouble, showed up 20 minutes prior to the boat drill. I handed Jorge, (pronounced Hoar Hay while rolling the ‘r’), the clip board and guest list for him to check off the guests as they arrived at my station. As soon as they were checked off, I lined up the guests in the proper manner, chit-chatting with them as I did this. Once everyone was checked off and in line, There was a very quiet and uncomfortable feeling with the group. I had to do something as I knew the announcements from the P/A system were 15 minutes away and it was getting hot on the deck. Gotta be creative. “Hello everyone, my name is Robert and I am in charge of Boat Station Number 10. I am also in charge of the TV Broadcast facilities on board this ship. So you can all call me TV Robert. OK?”

“OK”, was the reply.

“OK” I said. “So what’s my name?”

“TV Robert”, they said in unison.

“Who is still looking for their stateroom” That got some laughter as everyone looked around at each other.

“OK, here is some information that will help you and make sure you find your staterooms every time. You will hear the crew use nautical terms such as forward, aft, port and starboard. Forward is the front of the ship. Aft is the rear of the ship”, as I pointed to my butt, which drew more laughter. “Starboard is the right side of the ship and Port is the left side of the ship. Here is a good way to remember right from left on the ship. Left has four letters”, as I held up four fingers. “Port has for letters and you will always have ‘left port’ as we sail away. Even has four letters and all the even stateroom numbers are on the left side of the ship, port side. So remember this, even, left and port all have four letters. If you stateroom has an odd number that means you are on the starboard side of the ship, the right side. Do not look for an even numbered stateroom on the right or starboard side of the ship, or you’ll be looking for a long time.”

“Also the carpets in the passageway are two colors. Red is at the aft (pointing to my butt again) and green is forward. Low stateroom numbers are forward and high stateroom numbers are aft. Are there any questions? Are we all OK with that?”

“OK”, was the reply.

“What’s my name?”

“TV Robert”, was the reply.

“WOW”!! You guys were all really listening. I’m impressed and you're much better than last week’s group!”

That got more laughter from them.

“Can anyone tell me the nickname for this ship?” I asked.

There were some mumbles from the group as they tried to come up with a name.

“It’s ‘The Big Blue Canoe’. If you go two decks down to Viking Deck and stand at one end of the deck, you cannot see the other end. That is because the ship has a bowed shape, like a canoe. The hull is painted blue as you have seen, hence, ‘The Big Blue Canoe’. Also Viking Deck is the longest deck on any cruise ship in the world.”

That got some of them talking to each other.

S/S Norway at anchor in St. Thomas, USVI

“Oh, there is one more thing that you should know. You may have noticed that the entrance to the bathroom is raised and you have to step up into the bathroom. Now you may not think that this is important right now, but believe me, when you go to the bathroom at 3:00 AM to relieve yourself, you will find this step up. And the part of your body that finds this step up will be your big toe. Right at that moment, just before the pain is registers, you will remember that TV Robert mentioned during the Boat Drill, that you have to step up to the bathroom. Then the pain will register.”

This got a huge laughter from the group.

“All right, what’s my name?” I called out.

“TV Robert”, was the reply and everyone cheered.

“Does anyone have any questions?” I said.

“No” was the group’s reply.

I looked to my right at the lifeboat station next to mine and everyone there was looking at my station.

I looked back to my group and said, “I need a volunteer.”

Before anyone could answer, I reached out to the cutest girl in my group and pulled her towards me.

“Thank you for volunteering. What’s your name?” I asked.

“Margaret”, she said shyly.

“OK Margaret, say hello to your closest 150 new friends you will ever have. Everyone say hello to Margaret” I said.

“Hello Margaret”, came from the group and I went through the instructions of how to put on their lifejacket.

When we were done I looked at the group and said, “Everyone say ‘Thank You’ to Margaret for her excellent demonstration.

“Thank you Margaret” came from the group and another cheer from my group. The announcement then came over the P/A system for the guests to be dismissed.

“When you see me around the ship and you have any questions, don’t hesitate to stop me and ask.’ I said.

First Officer Stian was in the passageway next to my station. He walked over to me and there was a hush from my group. He looked at me and said loud enough for everyone to hear,

“Good job Robert”, and tipped his hat to my group.

Another cheer from my group as they dispersed. Many of them said, “Thanks TV Robert” as they walked away. A couple came up to me. The gentleman stuck out his hand and I reached out to shake it. He put his other hand on my shoulder.

“We have been cruising for 25 years and have been on over 50 cruises. This is the best boat drill we have ever been part of, with the most information we have ever received. Thank you very, very much.” he said.

“You are very welcome”, I replied, very appreciative of his comments.

Things were looking good.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

The Palm Reader - I see you living on a boat.

There is a first chapter of how I first had any notion that I would end up working in the Cruise Industry…and it all started in Piscataway, New Jersey.

My Mother informed me that herself and her two brothers; my Uncles Larry and Russell were going to visit family in New Jersey and asked if I wanted to go along with them. It was April, and we had all been through my Fathers passing. This sounded like a fun thing to do. But I had another idea in mind. I would drive down with them but meet up with my friend Trudy in Piscataway New Jersey and visit with her. That was my plan.

The drive down was nice and I got to spend some time talking with my Uncles. We met with Trudy at a convenient location along the highway and we parted company as my family went on their way to our relative’s home.

Trudy and I had met at a Club Med, where I had gone during a vacation break when I worked on the Trans-Canada Pipeline. We always kept in contact. She had been up to Canada a few times and I had visited her in New Jersey. It was Trudy who introduced me to the excellent restaurants on Mulberry Street in New York’s Little Italy district. She was a fun person to be with.

As this trip followed my birthday in March, Trudy bought me a session with a palm reader as a present. She was into that sort of thing and I had my reservations, but what the heck, I went. The Palm Reader looked like a normal person, as opposed to what I thought she would look like. You know, extravagantly dressed with potions and boiling caldrons and a black cat in the background, the usual. The first question I asked was, ‘what did Trudy tell you about me’? She replied that all she was told was that my name was Bob and I was from Canada.

She then explained that she would take an imprint of my hand and read from the imprint. She took a bright red lipstick and painted my whole hand with it. She then had me press my hand onto a white piece of 8 ½ X 11 paper. I was handed some paper towel and liquid soap to clean my hand. While I was doing this, my hand imprint was being studied.

For an extra $10.00 she would record the whole session and I would get the cassette tape to keep, to listen to at a later date and ponder what my future will be. Ten bucks, go for it, big time spender. The SUCKER light must have been flashing on my forehead. Then again she could predict the future, so she saw me giving her ten bucks. It was a no win situation for me.

…and we begin.

‘You are going through some rough times, but that will soon clear up, around June.’

OK, that was pretty general.

‘You have lost someone very close to you.’

That was pretty general too. I told her my father had lost his battle with cancer last month.

‘How old was your Father?’ “75” I said.

‘You will live longer than that’, I was told.

OK, that’s good to know.

‘I see you living on a boat.’

I had thought of moving to Vancouver and living on a boat at one time.

‘You are going to travel a lot.’

I did travel a lot when I was doing the in car video production work, but that was over. Another generality.

‘I see you going to Europe on a trip.’

Getting interesting.

‘You are going to meet an English woman who is in the Arts.’

Now we are getting interesting. You’ve got my attention.

‘You are going to make a lot of money in the next 10 years.’

Very interesting, also. Lots of money is good. (But did it have to end so quickly.)

‘I see you living in the south of England.’

Now we just went south. Not interesting, unless there are palm trees and it is 80 degrees every day. I had been to England and I didn’t believe that this was their weather pattern.

And with that, the session was over. I got in one last question.

I asked if Trudy will be the one that I spend the rest of my life with. She said ‘No.’

OK!

I got to keep the imprint of my hand and the ten dollar cassette tape. WOO-HOO! That was fun.

Trudy asked me how it went and I said it was very interesting.

The fun part looking at this today is being able to look back at what I was told on that day back in April 1997, compare it with what has happened to me in the last 12 years and where I am today.

I did live on a boat, actually a ship, the S/S Norway, for three years.

In my second month on the Norway we did a 30 Cruise to France, England and Ireland.

I did meet an English woman who was in the Arts, Sarah my wife of today. She came to the Norway from a theatre background.

I did do fairly well for the next 11 years, so the money thing was there.

So the only thing left is living in the South of England. Since then I have visited the South of England. Although I enjoyed myself, I don’t think the weather would work for me, but you never know what the future has in mind for us. It could happen…

Trivia & Facts: Do you know the difference between a boat and a ship? A ship carries boats on board, usually lifeboats. The Norway was unique as it was a ship that carried ships, and carried life boats also. The two tenders that sat on the bow were used to take the guests ashore in shallow ports. The tenders also had life boats on board, although they were small, but the tenders were still considered ships. So the Norway was a ship that carried ships…and lifeboats.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

Too bad you are not on next week’s cruise…

My first week went by in a flash. The best surprise was waking up the after my first night’s sleep at sea and not having motion sickness. I was not prone to that sort of thing but I didn’t know if the ships movement would affect me. I soon learned that the S/S Norway was the most stable ship on the waters and had the smoothest ride of all ships at sea.

Besides learning all the day to day activities and duties for a Broadcast Technician, I had to learn my way around the ship. The crew is not permitted to use the guest elevators, so staircases where the method of transportation up and down. I used to take the stairs two at a time to get to the upper decks…in those days. There was one crew elevator in the forward area of the ship, which I mentioned earlier and months later I discovered another crew elevator which was at the aft, (back of the ship) but that was smaller than the forward one, if you can imagine that being possible, and always full of room stewards with their bags of sheets, towels and pillow cases.

The guest staircases were also an adventure. There were 6 stair towers in all. There were 16 decks on the ship.

The reason that there was a variety of staircases going to and from different decks was that the original ship, the Transatlantic Liner, S/S France had a class distinction and not all the guests were permitted to go to all the decks. When the ship was converted to a cruise ship and renamed the S/S Norway, the guests were all permitted to travel throughout the ship no matter what cabin class. Interestingly enough, there were stair cases that led nowhere.

Their were two main dining rooms, the Windward Dining Room which was originally the First Class Dining Room on the S/S France located Mid-Ship, in the center on Atlantic Deck. The second was the Leeward Dining Room located aft, also on Atlantic Deck

As I was going past the Windward Dining Room once, I was stopped by a guest, who said,

“Hey Sonny! Why do I have to eat in this dining room when I would rather eat in the other dining room?”

‘This’, meant the Windward Dining Room and ‘the other’ meant the Leeward Dining Room.

Remember protocol, I said to myself.

“Sir, if you wish to eat in the Leeward you can ask your Maître D to see if there is table available for you. He can change your dining room.”

“But,” he replied, “my cabin is here and the other dining room is far so away”.

“In that case, you can check with the Front Desk and see if there is a cabin available closer to the Leeward Dining Room for you.”

“I don’t want to change my cabin”, he hollered at me, “I like the one that I am in!”

Remember protocol…and patience.

“You can always call the Bell Station and they can furnish wheelchair to take you to and from the dining room when needed.”

“I don’t need a wheelchair! I’m not an invalid!”, he hollered back to me.

OK, running out of options, here.

“You know what Sir?” I answered, “Too bad you are not on next week’s cruise. That’s when we are having a moving sidewalk installed on this deck to go between the dining rooms, and that would solve your dilemma. Sorry.”

Time to walk away...quickly. As I left, I realized I might have been a little rude. Rule of thumb was, if you screwed up, own up to it and let the Cruise Director (CD) know what you did, because if the CD found out from another source, let’s say the Hotel Director (HD), it was not going to be a happy day all around.

I went directly to the CDs office, which was my destination prior to my meeting this guest. I said to the CD,

“You might get a report back from a guest about my possibly being rude to him”, and described the exchange I had with the guest. The CD looked back at me and said, “Was it a tall elderly man with a blue polo shirt and tan shorts?”

“Yes it was”, I replied.

“Don’t worry about it”, she said, “The same guy called me over by saying, ‘Hey Missy, go get me some extra towels and pillows.’

I dodged that bullet.

Friday meant the Private Island was our final stop before arriving in Miami. It was a small island that the cruise line leased and created a day at a private beach for the guests, who usually came back to the ship totally sunburned.

Later that evening as I walked through the North Cape Lounge, I saw my hockey team mate Jacques, sitting at a table with his wife. He motioned me to sit with them and have a beer. Have a beer! What a great idea! For the first time since I had arrived on board I realized how quickly the week had flown by and I had not stopped to relax at any time. A beer sounded like the best idea at that moment. I sat back and we traded hockey stories. I relaxed for the first time in a week.

After a great night’s sleep, Saturday came around and I was about to start my second week at sea. I was starting to like this job a lot!

Find something that you love doing and you will never work a day of your life.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

My First Cruise Staff Meeting. It’s All About Revenue.

After the first initial shock of seeing the BCC, Timmie continued the whirl wind tour of the ship. As we were climbing one of the stair cases we passed a newly boarded couple. I looked at the man as we quickly went by, but then stopped and took a second look and recognized him as one of the players, Jacques from my Tournament Hockey Team. I second guessed at the sighting, but I had to know if it was him or not. He wasn’t a regular on the team and I had only played two or three times with him on the team. So I thought, if I say something in French and he doesn’t respond, then it isn’t him.

I said, “Ques’que un vieux jouer d’hockey com toi fait ici?” What is an old hockey player like you doing here?

The man stopped in his tracks, looked at me and said, “Hey Bobby!” It was handshakes and hugs at this point. What are the chances of my meeting someone, let alone a fellow hockey player, on my first day on the S/S Norway? He asked me what I was doing here and I said that I had just signed on as a crew member working in the TV department. We parted after a few minutes and promised each other that we would get together later in the day.

We walked back out onto the Pool Deck and Timmie took me down to the crew area one deck below. It was the deck that extended out the furthest at the back of the ship. This was the only outdoor area that some crew members were allowed to go to. It led to the crew day room area and around the corner to the Crew Bar. Here, all crew members were allowed and the area that the crew could get a beer or other beverage of their choice.

At this point Timmie said we had to get ready for sail away party. As this was my first day on the ship and I didn’t have a uniform, I could walk around freely to explore the ship on my own. He said I would hear the announcement over the P/A system as to when the party would start and I should make my way out to the pool area at that time. Off he went to do whatever it was he had to do.

I found my way back to my cabin and started to unpack my luggage and put things away. When I was done with that I went to discover the other areas around the ship. I took a staircase that led me to the top viewing deck and walked around absorbing the Miami skyline. I started to climb downwards to each deck and walked the length of each. I found the gym area and walked through. The first thing that came to my senses was that it had a musty odor, a topic that would be the basis of continuing conversations at meetings I was to attend on board.

Outside from the gym was the combined basketball and volleyball court which had a netting all around, to keep the balls from bouncing overboard or onto the buffet area below. An outdoor staircase took me down to the buffet area below known as the Great Outdoor Restaurant. The newly boarded guests carried food trays in the outdoor buffet line and were piling food onto multiple plates. It was amazing to see how much food they had on their trays which led me to ask myself, when was the last time these people ate and who is capable of eating that much food? I took a circular outdoor staircase down to the Pool Deck. Here guests were either walking around with drinks in their hands or sitting in the lounge chairs which lined the pool taking in the sun shine and unknowing to themselves, working on what would eventually lead to a sun burn. Can you spell PINK & PAIN!!

After the mandatory boat drill, the announcement came over the P/A system for everyone to meet at the Pool Deck for the Sail Away Party. The guests started to arrive, some in shorts and t-shirts, others in bathing suits some still in their travel cloths as their luggage had not arrived to the staterooms yet. A Reggae band struck up some Caribbean music which had guests dancing no matter where they were standing. The Cruise Staff started to arrive and were mingling amongst the guests starting up conversations. I spotted Timmie walking around the deck with a huge VHS camera mounted on his shoulder recording the event. The Cruise Director (CD) arrived and with a microphone in hand introduced himself. The Cruise Staff team lined themselves behind him. There were Youth Coordinators in face paint, Divers in orange tank tops, the Shore Excursion team in slacks and shirts, the Ballroom Dance Couple who did a little spin and twirl, the Port & Cruise Consultant who looked very uncomfortable in a suit and tie and the rest of the Cruise Staff who bounced around the area. Timmie was introduced as he was filming the event. There were lots of cheers and waves from those introduced and clapping from the guests. The CD then turned the festivities over to the Reggae band which was the cue for the Cruise Staff to go out into the crowd and pull the guests onto the dance area to get everyone involved and dancing.

After 15 minutes of this Timmie came over to me and said, “OK we now have to go to the Cruise Staff meeting” and led me away back to the BCC to drop off the camera and then up to the Kid’s Playroom Troll Land, where the meeting was to take place. I followed Timmie into the room and found a place to sit along the windows which looked out onto the International Deck. The crew members arrived in twos and threes, many of whom had been at the pool deck party earlier. They all jostled for a seating place among the bean bags, window ledges and floor. A beach ball started to make its way around the room being bounced from one person to another.

The CD arrived along with his assistant. The CD was a male in his early 30s, and his assistant was striking blonde in her early 20s. The CD informed all in the room of what he had received earlier from the head office and management on board. He then went around the room clockwise to hear from each person, of any information they would have to share. When it got to Timmie, he introduced me and I received Hi’s & Welcome Aboard’s from everyone in the room.

When everyone had said their piece, the CD then said, “This week’s task is, you must come up with 5 ways to increase revenue by the next meeting.” He said that revenue had to increase and it was up to us to figure out how to do that.

Now that was interesting. I thought we were here to make the guests experience, the best they ever had. No it wasn’t. It was to make as much money as we could from the guests on board during their seven day cruise. Here I am, my first day on board this ship, in my first staff meeting and I now have learned the key to this cruise line.

It’s all about revenue.

A lot happened to me my first day on board the S/S Norway. Much of which became a fixture in the next 3 years at sea on this cruise ship and in my life. My Home Away From Home.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!

The BCC - I was learning how to get things done on ships.

As I stood on the Broadcast Center (BCC) door way on my first day, I wondered what the heck I had gotten myself into. There was no floor in the room, to speak of. There was only a metal grid framework without any type of covering over it. So you had to walk on the grid work itself or else step into a hole which contained a mass of wires and cables. An accident, waiting for a place to happen.

There wasn’t a ceiling. Again there was a grid framework without ceiling panels and another mass of wires and cables. The lighting consisted of light bulbs on sockets hanging from wires which were connected by wire nuts. In the middle of the room were racks that contained every possible mismatch of video player decks, a music cartridge playing machine circa 1960, a satellite control system and assortment of satellite receivers.

At the end of the rack was another assembly of VCRs and a computer control system…or lack thereof, and an audio cassette deck player below it. This, I was to learn was the crew movie system. It was controlled by a Commodore 16 home computer, which was actually only a keyboard, and a matching 1531 cassette tape recorder.

This system was released in 1984 at an outrageous price of $99.00. Those of you who remember back then, this was the brain child behind one of the first computer games called, “Pong”. I remember playing pong with my 13 year old nephew! That was the system that controlled the crew movie channel.

THE SYSTEM

THAT CONTROLLED

THE CREW MOVIE CHANNEL!!

A Commodore 16!!! State of the art in 1984!!! This was 1997. It consisted of a keyboard and cassette player.

I soon learned this system had a world of its own. If there was any type of power fluctuation, which was often on this ship, the Commodore 16 would shut down and had to be rebooted. How this was done was by loading an audio cassette tape into the 1531 cassette player, pushing play on the deck and then holding your breath while the ‘booting up’ process went to work. This usually took 30 minutes or so.

Behind these racks was the biggest rat’s nest of wires and cables that I had ever seen. It was obvious that this room was not a priority to be kept up to date. Whenever any work had to be done it was based on the bailing twine and duck tape system. Keep it working and don’t worry about it. There were mismatched cables with multiple connecters to make everything join up. Audio cables on video lines and vice versa. There was even a plugged in, gold colored electrical wire that had been taken from a table lamp, powering up one of the VCR decks.

There was a wall shelf that went from ceiling, or lack of, to floor that was full of VHS movies of every kind. A long table where sat a beat up 17” color TV that was used to verify that TV channels were working. The table served also as the working desk where the phone was located. In a corner was another table with two VHS editing decks, one play back deck and one recorder deck, connected to a multi deck control switching system. Funny thing was there was only one playback deck to control. It was only capable of doing straight cuts and had no fade in / fade out or special effects of any kind. BANG the video production on the tape came onto the TV and BANG it would end.

In another corner was a stack of boxes which contained another rat’s nest of loose cables of all kinds. Storage, I gathered. There was a locked room with a wire mesh door which contained the control system for the Public Announcement system for the ship. Oh yes, there were ash trays full of cigarette butts all over the place. The electricians used to use the BCC as a smoke break area. They all had keys to the room and often when I came into the room, there was a cloud of smoke from those who had been in the room.

This place was a mess.

I digress at this point to another story.

Two weeks later at the end of the Captain’s Welcome Aboard Party, the Captain standing next to me said, “TV!” I guess HE didn’t know my name! He knew my job onboard, but he didn’t know my name. Funny thing was, he knew all the girls names.

“Why are we not getting a clear signal for CNN?” All the while he was looking straight ahead and not at me. I looked straight ahead also and said, “Captain”, I knew his name, but had never been permitted to use it, “If I had a Broadcast Room back home, in the condition that this one is in, I would be fired.” He looked down at me, but I kept looking straight ahead. He walked away.

The next morning at 7:30 AM I made my way to the BCC. As I approached the hallway to the entrance, I saw that the door was open. I thought to myself, had I forgotten to lock the door the night before? I walked into the room and there the Captain was, standing on two rails of the floor grid looking at the ceiling and floor. I stood at the doorway and said “Good morning Captain.” Without looking at me he said, “This is unacceptable.” I said, “I agree, Captain. Can you please come this way? I must show you what I consider a fire hazard.” I had learned that if you wanted something done, throw in the word fire. It was the one word that Captains never wanted to hear.

He looked down at me as I passed by him making my way across the grid work, and he followed to the rear of the racks, to the rat’s nest of wires. Along the way his head came into contact with one of the dangling light bulbs. I heard something muttered in Norwegian and pretended not to see or hear what had happened. We got behind the racks. I said, “These cables are all mismatched, stretched to their capacity, crisscrossed and inter-twined. This creates a lot of heat which these cable are not classed to take. And in many cases such as this,” I pointed to one cable that had three connectors, “ this is the reason why you do not get a clear signal for CNN.” Actually wasn't, but I figured it was a good way to get my point across that there was work needed in the BCC. He nodded and walked out of the BCC. Now I’m thinking, what will this lead to?

Within 30 minutes, electricians, carpenters, technicians, painters and the lot sprang into the BCC. By the end of the day I had a complete tiled floor, a full ceiling with multi switch controlled neon lighting and a fresh coat of paint. The wiring behind the racks was all corrected and cleaned up. The equipment in the racks was still crap, but at least we could get to it without killing ourselves.

I was learning how to get things done on ships.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!