Seniors & Supermarkets

When I got off ships I found a great apartment in Hallandale which was completely furnished. It was a one bedroom unit on the fifth floor and had a great view of the inter-coastal waterway. It was a pleasure to sit on the balcony with a coffee or cocktail and watch the boats go by. These apartments were actually Condos as they were all owned by individuals. I soon learned that they were also mostly occupied by seniors and that there was a Condo Board which I had to meet with to be approved to stay in the building. At the meeting I was asked where my wife was. I answered that she was at sea on a cruise ship at the moment. And then it started.

 “What do you mean she’s on a cruise ship? How come she’s on a cruise and you are not?"

"What kind of marriage do we have here where the wife is on a cruise ship with other men and you are here?"

"Are you seeing other women while you wife is seeing other men on cruise ships? This isn’t that kind of a building where women just walk in at all hours of the night.”

One man turned to another and said in a low voice, but not that low.

“You know that’s not a bad relationship. I wish I had thought of that myself!”

When all was straightened out I was approved to stay in the building, but was warned,

“Be careful because we will be watching you!!”

These board are affectionately called the “Condo Commandos”

We stayed there for 2 years and then moved to another apartment for 2 years also which was located in Davie Florida, which is the inland extension of Ft. Lauderdale. From there we moved into a house more inland but still in Davie.

Down the road from our present house is an English Pub, conveniently called, the Pub. On Monday nights we meet with friends for a Fish & Chips dinner, English Beer and take part in the Pub Quiz competition. It’s a fun night out and has led us into many discussions to the correct answers.

On this particular night one of our friends said that they have family from England coming in on the weekend. I said that was great and can they bring some Scott’s Porridge with them for Sarah and I. He said he can get this at his Publix in Hallandale. I remembered that Publix from when we lived in Hallandale and it was a scary place because of all the seniors who lived in that area.

The next day I ventured out to the Publix in Hallandale to see if I could find my Scott’s Porridge. I must say it was an adventure and I had a rush of Déjà Vu as soon as I got there.

It started in the parking lot as I approached an open space. The car next to the spot I was aiming for was a BMW Mini with all its doors wide open. A senior lady was loading what looked like 30 plastic bags of groceries with about 3 items in each bag. She moved from the back hatch window to the passenger door looking for a place to put her loot. At one point she looked up at me and continued bagging her car at her pace. Apparently she wasn’t threatened by the size of the Expedition. I waited for what I thought was a reasonable time and when she was reaching for more bags I made my move into the parking spot next to her. Just at that point, she made a move to the passenger door and pulled the door in. I parked my truck and could feel the icy glare I was being given. I looked out my side mirror to catch her walking down the side of my truck and giving my rear tire a kick. You’ve gotta love Hallandale seniors…that have attitude.

I made my way to the main entrance and again the wave of Déjà Vu returned. It must have been Senior Discount Day at Publix because there was a whole swarm of them in the doorway and the store was jammed. I made my way through the door and over to the cart section. I pulled out one of the only 3 carts there and as I backed up I felt this whack on my ankle. I turned to find two seniors standing behind me. Both had canes, so I didn’t know which one had struck me. They both gave me the steely eyed stare and I slowly back away from the cart at which time they grabbed it and made off with it, hitting me in the knee with the cart on their way by.

I quickly looked around to see if there was any new incoming traffic. Seeing no one I made off with a cart and headed to the Ethnic Food section with Sarah’s voice in my head asking ‘why on earth English Food has to be in the ‘Ethnic’ section.’

I went down the aisle and low & behold, there was a section with ‘English Food’. I tried to see what was available but was being blocked by a senior man handling about a dozen La Choy Chow Mien Noodle tins. I waited patiently, hoping that this man would move down the aisle. When he completely ignored me I said, ‘Excuse me’, in a nice and friendly manner. He looked back at me, shuffled one step forward and continued to handle the tins. I waited 30 seconds and said, ‘Excuse me’, but in a louder and firmer manner. He looked back at me, shuffled two steps forward and continued to handle the tins, again.

This at least gave me a better view at the selection on the shelf.

First off I must say that I was completely devastated when I could not find Scott’s Porridge. There were two brands to choose from. One was labeled that it was from Ireland, but actually was from Massachusetts. The other is called Hamlyns Grampian Oats, Pinhead Oat Meal, produced in Scotland by Hamlyns of Scotland, Cairnton Road, Boyndie, Banff Scotland. That’s what I bought along with a packet of Coleman’s of Norwich Shepherd’s Pie Mix. Now we all know that a debate always breaks out when we talk about Shepard’s Pie, which calls for lamb mince and Cottage Pie which calls for beef mince. I looked at the instructions on the back of the packet and it only specifies mince with no reference to beef or lamb. Done!

What next caught my eye was a box stating,

Made in Yorkshire For Over 30 Years, Original Mix for Yorkshire Puddings, from Goldenfry Foods Ltd, Wetherby, West Yorks.

I couldn’t do without this as well as a jar of Heinz Piccalilli Pickles, Coleman’s Classic Mint Sauce, cans of Heinz Baked Beans, Ambrosia Devon Custard, one packet of McVities Chocolate Layered Digestive Biscuits and one of McVities Fruit Shortcake biscuits. (Never cookies in the English section.)

That being done I made my way to the 15 or less express checkout line but first, my curiosity that it is, I had to see what the senior man with the La Choy tins was up to as he was still next to me all this while. I pulled in ahead of him a slight way down the aisle and looked back. He now was taking the plastic lids off the tins, blowing off the dust from the tops of the pull back lid, wiping them with his sleeve, snapping back on the plastic tops and resetting the tins back on the shelf. I thought to myself, ‘Now that is quality control. He must be a senior spy from La Choy who was in charge of Dust Control.’ That’s what I call client service.

Into the15 or less express checkout line I went doing a count of my items so that I would not be singled out, when the action continued. The Aisle was very narrow so instead of getting in behind the person in front of me, I placed my cart at a 90 degree angle so that people could get by. In no time at all this caused a disturbance. The people behind me, French Canadians, didn’t leave enough room for others to get by, so the interaction began. A senior lady wished to get by and started to ram the French Canadians with her cart. The French Canadian lady started to mumble in her native tongue as the senior lady yelled back to make room so that she could get by. Finally enough room was made and the senior lady made her way through hitting everyone else’s cart on the way. I heard her say ‘Stupid Frenchies’ as she went by me, ramming my cart of course.

When the two male seniors in front of me, who I guessed were brothers as they looked alike, were ready to pay for their purchases they started a debate as to who was going to pay what.

“I’m not paying for your salami. It gives me gas & heartburn.”

“Well I’m not paying for your lettuce. It does the same to me. And besides that, Mr. Big Time, why can’t we get the Publix soup instead of the fancy-schmancy brand you picked up. What do you think I’m made of money?”

“Made of money? If I had your money, I’d burn mine”.

“Ahh whadda you know? You know whadda you know? Nothing, that’s what!”

Back and forth they went until they finally put out what each owed, splitting the total in pennies & nickels.

Luckily the rest of my checkout procedures were eventless. But as I walked back to my truck I thought,

Where else can you get your grocery shopping done, AND get a show for $38.00?

You’ve gotta love the senior “Condo Commandos” in Hallandale.

*Names may have been changed to protect the innocent!